if you love something give it away

Well, well, well.  I've used this blog basically as my therapist, my arm chair, and my solace, and thus far its been really good to me.  I mean I'm the only one that reads it, but I'm fine with that.  That said, I have been on a strange roller coaster lately.  New moods awake in me each day and you never know what you are going to get.  Today, for example, was a great day at work as far as making money goes, but I feel so empty on the inside.  It usually happens like that. I need someone consistent in my life. My friends I've grown up with will always be the most special people to me but I see them very seldom. I'm quite introverted and can go seriously months without seeing anyone I know. I should make a stronger attempt to meet new people I think.  But it's annoying and exhausting to do the whole biography thing and learn about someone and then have to learn all their inside jokes and explain myself and what I "do" and whatever ect. ect. I am going to another concert tonight, maybe I'll meet someone interesting there. I may or may not see an old and most dear friend tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I will but I don't know what to expect. I have thought about this person for a very long time and I'm very excited to have an opportunity to meet up but it's only for maybe an hour or so and then it's back to Chicago.  As I mentioned in my last post I hit my head really hard last weekend and got a concussion and I try not to let it show but I've been really disoriented and not myself this week, not to mention terrible headaches.  It's really the perfect metaphor of my emotional state the last three years or so, sort of woozy and not standing straight on two feet.  maybe all of these feelings are just part of getting older and reaching an age of responsibility, blah blah yadda yadda, i don't want to grow up.  I know I'll find my niche later than sooner but it's just a shame that I can't be happy and satisfied right now.  It's difficult because I don't know how I measure up in the world of worlds.  I pray for the skills, never the opportunity, because I know the opportunities always come and really are infinite, I just ask for the skills to know how to take advantage of the opportunities when they are available. If I try hard enough and long enough I know I'll find someone and something that fits me in line with my mission on this blue planet.  See I'm feeling better just getting this off my hands. I want to experience passion and desire again, and create something beautiful, and I'm not being fulfilled at the moment, but if it is to be it is up to me so let's get going.  Worrying about things can't add one minute to my life, or put money in my pocket, or love on my lips.  yet, what if dreams are more real than reality, I mean the fabric of reality, is really vision and imagination.  I have to dream it before it becomes real...I'll end on that good note because I have lofty dreams, full of creation and laughter and passion and much happiness ergo I'm going to do it now, or soon, or someday, or never, but at least I'll be a dreamer.