she got away

great. missed my chance. I just turned into Darth Derek.
http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20453228,00.html

jam for jesus

 

the month is flying away here and Christmas is freaking next Saturday!  I'm so excited for this week I can hardly stay sane.  I've been trying to write goodies for the world and the coming of baby Jesus and Santa (and baby derek...25 year old baby derek) so I just wanted to share some images of the holidays. p/s/  I got that banjo, but I immediately tuned it to guitar tuning so i could play it, and can you see the yoda doodle on my white board? thanks Bob. See you soon!

camera

my new camera is sweeeeeeeeet

qui suis-je?

I was the kid that got dirty and changed his clothes, sometimes many times a day.

After I wake up from being drunk the night before I tend to want to clean the house

I love the first snow fall on trees

I can't get sick, but I can make you sick.

I am feeling very excited about the second half of December 2010, lots to look forward too.

I like going to see black and white movies alone on a Friday night.

I eat a lot of honey and cacao

When I wake up I usually go on the computer and check my friend's blog really quick before i do anything else.

I had mexican food twice yesterday, lunch and dinner, and while at dinner some guy broke up with his girlfriend there and she was crying and it was awkward and he sounded like a douche

I love long hallways, and running down them.

I get inspired when you put a capo on the second fret because it makes everything sound magical/

I used to hate modern communications, i.e. texts, blogs, facebook, etc.  and now I am a sucker for them all and hang on every word, plus the sound of an incoming text on an iphone is now permanently associated with you and sometimes i start laughing when the phone is in my jacket and i hear i got a text and i have to take off my gloves and un zip my jacket and get my phone in the freezing cold, and im soooo excited to see what it is, and then it's some ridiculous ad from AT&T...what a waste argg

I love having friends I have known since kindergarten.

I am going to freeze my ass off today at the Bears game with my father!

I have dreams about falling in love

I went to bed with socks and I have no idea where my socks are now

I take hot bathes

I don't want to let another year go by

Im so cold and want to snuggle

cloud nine

i used to love this video when i was a youngling, when mtv actually played music videos. i just confirmed it with my mother too; this was my fav video. the funny thing is that i just realized yesterday that this was George Harrison, yes it is. I think its so awesome when you figure something out that has been right in your face the whole time. gotta love the squirrel playing the sax-pipe in the end. I've been listening to All Things Must Pass, the reissue, illegally downloaded beeeyootch. I'm also on an Arcade Fire kick, Crown of Love and Antichrist television blues and the Sprawl II are some of my goodies. never really gave them props back when they were all that and a bag of chips but I've really listened to it all and The Suburbs is totally boss.


Im really goofy today. oh yeah probably because im not working...quit my job yesterday. I've been writing music with urgency so don't worry ma it's alright I'm only bleedin.

"Disillusioned words like bullets bark
As human gods aim for their mark
Made everything from toy guns that spark
To flesh-colored Christs that glow in the dark
It's easy to see without looking too far
That not much
Is really sacred."

on another day i would totally agree Mr. Dylan but today im totally happy although i see your point. but for now I got my mind set on you baby!

Give the Anarchist a Cigarette

I went and saw "Don't Look Back" last night and it blew me away! Bob Dylan is so punk rock it is not even funny.  Besides being fucked on amphetamines the whole 65 UK tour he was just such an asshole to every body it was awesome.  The best scene in the movie is toward the end where Donovan, who was Britain's answer to Dylan (I mean he's not bad but he's no Dylan), plays a song and Dylan immediately challenges him and plays a song back.  Donovan's song is really trite and cheesy (he rhymes sad and bad), and Dylan says "Hey man that's a good song" while holding back laughter, and watch Dylan look like he wants to jump out of his seat and punch Donovan.  Then Dylan plays his song and he just whips out the lyrics in the most sneering and sarcastic tone while Donovan has this shit-eating grin on his face.  The fact that D. A. Pennebaker was even allowed to film this is amazing.  plus Allen Ginsberg shows up randomly a couple of times in the film.  It was so awesome, and I am pretty sure I was the youngest person in the theather.  Maybe one of the best rock docs ever.  enjoy this scene.

Family Party!

last night i gathered all the family and gave each a turn here are the photos:
(left to right) we have 62, who is just neat to look at, but not so fun to play because the bridge moves around if you rock too hard and messes up the whole intonation, plus only a neck pickup...its jazzy.
one to the right is Walter, he's got flat wound strings on and is really the cheapest, crappiest one I have but the most fun to play, go figure.  Next is Tele, totally rockin, i love you Tele and so do my best Brad Paisley licks. Then we arrive at Whitey, who in her current form is not really good sounding, she has the best intonation and looks beautiful but i think i need to mod her out some more, she is a relic of my buckethead/hardcore metal phase....active pickups sound terrible unless you are detuned to drop Q. To the right of Whitey is Steven Palaska, the only remaining savemewalter family member, he has a lot of stickers, notice the picture of Patria and Doyle...h-a-l-a-r-i-o-u-s.  Then their is 65, the world traveler, been to Greece and China and is the best acoustic I ever played, thanks 65.  last but not least is Hummingbird, my grandpa's church guitar, he gave it to me for graduating college, I was the first to do so in my family, cool huh? any way that was last night, and it was a grand gathering, i should do it more often. i just need an electronic drum set and a bass and i can record the album I have in my head...

thanks and santa

thanks for giving.  seeing family is always nice.  I ate a lot of sweet potatoes too.  here is a picture of good olde Bangs Lake in Wauconda, Illinois:


I have been too busy to complain recently, which
is nice.  So let me start complaining by telling you why I hate the Belmont L stop.  They always f-ing trick me into getting on the wrong train.  last time it was the purple line, this time it was santa's express.
the whole train smelled of peppermint and santa was there so I'm thinking, oh yes this is nice, ill get on this train...wrong. an hour later I'm home after going all the way to Howard.  Fool me once, I'm a fool, fool me twice, its not nice, but Fool me thrice...well that just sucks. damn you santa, and your wonderfully smelling train express line.

November 22

Happy Birthday Patria! I can't believe you're 24 today, it's been a long time since 15.  I think the rain cleared up too so there you go, best birthday wishes and hope you get everything you want and lots of love.
love always,
Derek

will or shall

good morning,
winter is on its way. today is the best day ever.  I want a bass, a (der) rickenbacher, a banjo, and a drum set in my apt.  just throwing that out there.  It shall happen. (imperative voice....side note: I always thought that "will" and "shall" were confused often.  I understand it this way: you use "shall" for the first person, i.e. I shall..., we shall..., when using the future tense, and "will" for the 2nd and 3rd person for the future tense. However when will is used in the first person, and shall in the 2nd or 3rd person then they have the force of the imperative voice, e.g. the boy shall go to school today! (imperative)...I will do it! (imperative...if there was such a thing as first person imperative...).ANYWAY, besides that grammar tangent, monday's aren't all that bad, I usually get a good night sleep sunday night and cause i only work till 6 monday..and get to sleep in on Tuesday,...unless some stroke comes in at 5:59 and bothers me. I just want to say that I love Khan Academy, I've been a huge fan of that site for over two years now.  If you need to work on calculus or get basic chem, physics, or bio it's really the model of education that will make higher institutions of learning obsolete someday.  Sal is so clear in his explanations too.  I'm itchin to go somewhere new. I want to go to the art institute, maybe Thursday or Friday. I recorded a song last night too, but here is my Music playlist from yesterday:
Wings - band on the run
Avett Bros - I and you and love
Harry Nilsson - Pussy Cats
Trampled by Turtles -  ?
Bon Iver - ?
Ambulance LTD - ?
John Mayer - Continuum
Emily Cole - Lyon demos and christmas sheet music
Tom waits - Real Gone
Ravel - Bolero
Portugal. The man - Waiter: "you Vultures!"

solutions

ok, that last post was over the top, but rather than take it down like the one before the last one, let's do another that focuses on solutions.  I'm only focused on solutions from now on.  what's good with the world? cacao. yes i said it. cacao is the food of the gods. it literally is theobromine.  it opens your heart chakra, that for that reason some people can't do it.  it's just too powerful. cacao is heart medicine.  Gold is on the same octave that cacao is on, and a couple octaves up is the sun, they all are the same energy.  that's why you should eat it.  cacao pairs up with the ormus elements is a magical way.  these would include all the mushrooms, i.e. reishi, chaga, cordyceps, agaricus blazei, and all the other polysaccharide rich herbs and bee products, especially goji, noni, royal jelly and aloe vera.   vanilla is another thing that's part of the solution because the vanilla orchid and cacao tree can grow in symbiosis.  beside these things i think we need to think about government in general.  it has been clear to me for quite awhile that career politicians and the conception of having "representatives" is absolete in the 21st century and if we want to get serious about the future of our species on our planet and hopefully other planets and solar systems is to rethink what a government is in the computer age. i want to create wiki-open source models of power sharing to have a sort of virtual government.  im ranting now though.  another solution: bring back recess time and gym in school, best times ever.  gotta play. what about climate change, you say? i don't know but i bet if we grew algae and ate nothing but that we'd be fine.  bam, we need a moon base.  bad. gotta have it. a moon lab. we should work less and relax more too.  productivity is so high that we could all work less and still enjoy a high standard of living.  there no such thing as debt, where does it exist? there is really only abundance.  Look at how many different types of cereal choices you have at the grocery store.  you can get bananas in Chicago. miracle. we live in times where you can have anything you want in ways that kings could not have imagined.  we live in such prosperity, and yet we still have to go to war, for what? so we can have more? we have everything.  ok down the list are epiphone guitars, they are out.  except for the 65 casino (want one) they are stupid and not gibsons.  another solution involves me not losing my monthly L pass for a third time.  no clue about that second time, totally baffled where it is; the first time i was drunk.  next solution is to get the keys BEFORE showing someone a car because it takes WAY to long to get keys because they are lazy and hate to work and i don't blame them.  call chris luxem.  yes, do it.  see a good movie soon, finish a book for Christ's sake, learn that john mayer song's solo, you can do it; buy All Things Must Pass reissue and the Pinkerton reissue.  solutions: get a camera to take sweeeet pictures with.  buy that fucking banjo already! don't miss concerts ever again.  get more than 6 hours of sleep, pet Homer the cat, check the weather before going out for the day, buy more celery, apply for some jobs for the hell of it, go out on friday...or saturday night. record a song.  continue to eat massive amounts of chaga and cacao in every smoothie.  and last is go to bed, right now, ok.

absolutely

i had the best night i have had in YEARS, and slept two hours but i'm too happy to be tired right now.  Spicy Cacao-cayenne pepper smoothie to wake up.  Yes, derek this is the best weekend ever. 

if you love something give it away

Well, well, well.  I've used this blog basically as my therapist, my arm chair, and my solace, and thus far its been really good to me.  I mean I'm the only one that reads it, but I'm fine with that.  That said, I have been on a strange roller coaster lately.  New moods awake in me each day and you never know what you are going to get.  Today, for example, was a great day at work as far as making money goes, but I feel so empty on the inside.  It usually happens like that. I need someone consistent in my life. My friends I've grown up with will always be the most special people to me but I see them very seldom. I'm quite introverted and can go seriously months without seeing anyone I know. I should make a stronger attempt to meet new people I think.  But it's annoying and exhausting to do the whole biography thing and learn about someone and then have to learn all their inside jokes and explain myself and what I "do" and whatever ect. ect. I am going to another concert tonight, maybe I'll meet someone interesting there. I may or may not see an old and most dear friend tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I will but I don't know what to expect. I have thought about this person for a very long time and I'm very excited to have an opportunity to meet up but it's only for maybe an hour or so and then it's back to Chicago.  As I mentioned in my last post I hit my head really hard last weekend and got a concussion and I try not to let it show but I've been really disoriented and not myself this week, not to mention terrible headaches.  It's really the perfect metaphor of my emotional state the last three years or so, sort of woozy and not standing straight on two feet.  maybe all of these feelings are just part of getting older and reaching an age of responsibility, blah blah yadda yadda, i don't want to grow up.  I know I'll find my niche later than sooner but it's just a shame that I can't be happy and satisfied right now.  It's difficult because I don't know how I measure up in the world of worlds.  I pray for the skills, never the opportunity, because I know the opportunities always come and really are infinite, I just ask for the skills to know how to take advantage of the opportunities when they are available. If I try hard enough and long enough I know I'll find someone and something that fits me in line with my mission on this blue planet.  See I'm feeling better just getting this off my hands. I want to experience passion and desire again, and create something beautiful, and I'm not being fulfilled at the moment, but if it is to be it is up to me so let's get going.  Worrying about things can't add one minute to my life, or put money in my pocket, or love on my lips.  yet, what if dreams are more real than reality, I mean the fabric of reality, is really vision and imagination.  I have to dream it before it becomes real...I'll end on that good note because I have lofty dreams, full of creation and laughter and passion and much happiness ergo I'm going to do it now, or soon, or someday, or never, but at least I'll be a dreamer.

fuck my head

i need a dump truck to unload my head.  Bob Dylan was sweet but i was out of control and whacked my head somehow and got a concussion and have felt like a idiot for two days, sore neck and bruises and such.  I totally skipped Halloween for the first time in my life.  I feel old. November has a certain smell, me thinks.  time to get to it.  could this be the best week ever? we shall find out.  Trampled by turtles on Thursday and Friday, oh boy, who knows, no expectations, right? right.  left. up. down. sigh.



p.s. I probably won't vote, whoops.

Tangled up in Blue

Im tangled up in Blue, Im living in the shadow of you.
it's been so long and you know I've paid some dues
Im tangled up in blue. 
I hope Bob Dylan plays this song tonight. I need it like I need a hug.
going to concerts alone is like my new past time.
I'd be nice to have some one someday to do things with
Im just a ballad of a thin man
and Ive got the tombstone blues
and its all tangled
This is the first halloween of my life that I won't be dressing up
sigh, like a a complete unknown, like a rollin stone, everybody
must get stoned I guess.

banjo

due to a confluence of signs from the ether I can not ignore it anymore and im getting a banjo. it makes sense really, but after seeing john lennon play one in nowhere boy and then seeing the guy from trampled by turtles shred (thanks po) i figured i could do the same and the next time chris comes to town i'll be ready! Friday is the day gals and gents. It shall be done and i'll be chickin pickin till the cows come home. yee haw! gunna find me my West Virginia roots down thar in ther hollar!

Poem for Hope

I would like to sing to you Allen and let my soul/self wail, undisciplined

endowed with my joys and miseries and lusts.

To sing of those that I love and those that love me 

(yes, I can admit now that I am loved)

of my experiences with Whitman and the trials of relying on his

old, grey, crumbled beard-compass

of hearing your strangled howl and crying alone in my bed 

contemplating the abuses of Carl Solomon

of Chicago and Jersalem and Paris and Barcelona and Athens

and S.L.'s Zurich and D.W.'s China and P. L's New York and L.A.

and the imaginary Manhattan cesspool Mecca

of the melting brains of the world and the receding morality coastlines

and the disappearing common sense polar bears

of this and that, ad nauseam, et cetera et cetera, so on and so forth...

I would like to sing to you Allen, to know you and be known by you

without boundary or fear and for this to be a celebration 

because you made me Holy! and when I swalloed Holiness it came out my eyes 

and ears and nose and pen

and I could pass it on with a kiss and so I kissed 

ALL the boys and ALL the girls!

and they were Holy!, too.

O Allen! O Soul! O Holiness! hear my song

and know me.

Chicago October 2010

pity party

i feel lost. i feel like i have no real friends.  i hate what im doing. i dont like the way i act. i just acted like a fool. im jealous.  im confused. i want to talk to someone but no one wants to listen and no ones even there.  even if i could explain its so complicated and the feelings are so deep.  im so emotionally invested in something that might never come to pass.  i want to be happy, i deserve to be happy.  i cant sleep.  i cant eat.  please God help me. this is me at my most vulnerable asking for help. i want to have the best day ever.  i've tried to be optimistic.  i listen to Og Mandino everyday, I studied David Wolfe, but im suffering. my heart yearns and my body aches. this is my plea, please show me a way out of this cycle of self-pity and negative thinking, please help me get some sleep. please bring some love in my life, i don;t want to be so pathetic, i have something to offer the world, i can do it, i like myself, but im just having a really really hard time recently.  help me see the forest not the trees. i want to find a purpose for being here. help me see the light. i dont want to be a quitter. give me strength show me the way.  I've read Luke 12:22 over and over and over please please help me believe it.  i trust you. I;ve fallen on my knees.  Im asking, Im knocking please open the door. ill do anything you ask Lord just please show me the way, im not asking for opportunity because i know there are infinite opportunities im simply asking for guidance because im so lost.  show me the way. i want to do what is right.  if i have ever written anything honest in my whole 24 years this is it, please lift this depression from my soul.  because i cant carry this burden any longer or at least give me the courage and power to endure it Lord, remember Cali? I said i would try my best, i am trying my best, all i have is love, give me some perspective, give me patience, please give me peace in my heart. thank you for all the gifts i do have, and for the time youve given me, may peace be with you and me and her and him, amen.

Landing on Yavin IV

this is a painting I made last year.  I call it "landing on Yavin 4'.  Yavin IV is where the Rebel Alliance had there base in Episode IV and where Anakin Skywalker battled Asajj Ventress.  It came to me in a dream on my friends couch...It's nothing special and not finished but it makes me wish I made more time to paint cause it's a lot of fun.  notice the red Death Star... anywho, I think I was trying to write something in Sanskrit hidden in the tree line, like may the Force be with you...

Old Picture Sunday

I found a treasure trove of old pictures.  Here are some goodies:

gingeraide!

health is wealth

yeeha

athens

epidaurus

cairo

giza

aegean

georgos and I

patria and I

nowhere boy

I have this empty feeling in my heart right now.  It almost physically hurts.  I had a pretty sweet day at work...I mean about as sweet as things can get at work...I came home passed out for an hour and now I feel like the Grand Canyon...expect emptier...why do our moods change so quick? Jimmy Eat World is forbidden from no on. no more emo music. SHIT!!! I can't believe how shitty I feel right now.  It totally sucks; it's almost laughable how much it sucks. Fuck. I need a distraction REALLY bad; I need to stop thinking about things. Today's the best day ever...hmmmmm. laugh at the world. things always work out for me... You can do it Derek.  You have been here before, get over it. I'm going to see nowhere boy...alone.  Fitting. 

no show

I went to see Dr. Manhattan, but didn't see Dr. Manhattan.  Couldn't find the show, I felt like such a nubie not being able to find something in Chicago.  Anyway, it worked out because I had a better phone conversation as a result that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  Should I go to a haunted house tonight? What should I be for Halloween? Not a Jedi again.  I need to get on that.  I'd say that this week has been probably the best week all year, for many reasons which I'll get into tomorrow.  I can't wait to sleep in tomorrow, on the seventh day the Lord rested, yahweh. no way. anyway, who knows everything is such a mystery, the weather, the future, selling things, love, where ever the hell "freindship fortress" was supposed to be to see Dman...vale

emo

The tides advance; the tides recede. Winter goes and summer comes.  Summer wanes and the cold increases.  The sun rises; the sun sets.  The moon is full;  the moon is black.  The birds arrive; the birds depart.  Flowers bloom; flowers fade.  Seeds are sown; harvests are reaped. All Nature is a circle of moods and I am part of Nature therefore like the tides my moods will rise; my moods will fall. 
Yesterday's joy will become today's sadness; yet today's sadness will grow into tomorrow's joy.  I understand that I must have yin and yang.  I am thankful for each.  I am thankful for the loneliness for it tests my character; I am thankful for every "I love you" for it makes my soul rejoice.  Thank you for my heartache for it allows me to appreciate what I do have; thank you for the warmth and affection for it acknowledges my love.  I will laugh at the world, at it's sorrow and suffering, at it's joy and ecstasy, but most of all I will laugh at myself, because we are most comical when we take ourselves too seriously.  With love in my heart I will make today the best day ever because today is all I have. Yesterday is gone forever though the memories still remain; yet tomorrow never comes. I wish everyone the same.  Love and gratitude, Derek

honey if you don't know then you don't

 It so awesome how you look back on bands that you absolutely adored in high school  and now their songs have all new meaning for you as you get a little older.  I used to have a Jimmy Eat World patch on my jacket.  I have been listening to Clarity and Bleed American and realized how phenomenal this band is...so Honey, if you don't know, well, then I guess you don't.

What's wrong baby, don't he treat you like he should?
Did you take 'em for it?
Every penny that you could?
We once walked out on the beach and once I almost touched your hand.
Oh how I dreamed to finally say such things then only to pretend.
Don't you know I'm thinkin', drivin' 405 past midnight.
You know I miss you.
Don't you know that I miss you?
Ninth and Ash on a Tuesday night.
I would write to you from a museum mile, toast to you:
your whisper, your smile.
Up the stairs at the Weatherford, a ghost each place I hide.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?

Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
And I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
I left you waiting, at the least could we be friends?
Should have never started, ain't that the way it always ends?
On my life I'll try today, there's so much I've felt I should say, but.
Even if your heart would listen, doubt I could explain.
If you don't don't know, why'd you say so?
Would you mean this please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight.
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now more than I ever did.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't.
So here we are now, a sip of wine a sip of water.
Someday maybe, maybe someday we'll be smarter.
And I'm sorry that I'm such a mess, I drank all my money could get and,
took everything you let me have and then I never loved you back.
If you don't don't know, why would you say so?
Would you mean the please if it happens?
If you don't know, why would you say so?
Won't you get your story straight?
If you don't know, honey, why'd you just say so?
Cause I need this now yeah need this, need this.
If you don't well, honey, then you don't
And if you don't well, honey, then you don't
If you don't know, honey, honey, then you don't.

I will persist until I succeed.

I recognize that each day I am tested by life.  If I persist, if I continue to try, if I continue to charge forward, I will succeed.  I will persist until I succeed.  I was not delivered unto this world in defeat, nor does failure course in my veins.  The prizes of life are at the end of each journey, not near the beginning; and it is not given to me to know how many steps are necessary in order to reach my goal.  Failure I may encounter at the thousandth step, yet success hides behind the next bend in the road.  Never will I know how close it lies unless I turn the corner.  Always will I take another step.  If that is no avail I will take another, and yet another.  In truth, one step at a time is not too difficult.  I will persist until I succeed.  I will never consider defeat and I will remove from my vocabulary such words and phrases as quit, cannot, unable, impossible, out of the question, improbable, failure, unworkable, hopeless, and retreat; for they are the words of fools.  I will avoid despair but if this disease of the mind should infect me then I will work on in despair.  I will toil and I will endure.  I will ignore the obstacles at my feet and keep mine eyes on the goals above my head, for I know that where dry desert ends green grass grows.  Each misfortune and each heartache will carry in it the seed of tomorrow's good luck.  I must have the night to appreciate the day.  I must fail often to succeed only once.  I will persist until I succeed.  I will try,  and try, and try again.  So long as there is breath in me, that long will I persist.  If I persist long enough I will win.  I will persist.  I will win.
***
I walked for two hours from downtown Chicago to home on Irving park last night after working for twelve hours standing on my feet and I had the best conversation I have had in a few years. It was so inspiring, so soul lifting that even on no food and 4 hours of sleep I am skating by on an emotional high that is one thousand fold greater than any artificial substance could bring and it has given me more energy and vigor and will power and confidence and excitement than I have felt in a long, long time.  I have no illusions about the slim chances of my goals being achieved but I believe in miracles and I know that someday, maybe not even in this lifetime I will succeed.  Here is why: I will greet everyday with Love in my heart.  I will look on all things with Love and I will be born again.  If I have no other qualities I can succeed with Love alone.  For true Love is my greatest ally, and a powerful ally it is. 

Derek Walls' day off

Having a day off is much more meaningful when you work 60 hours a week.  I made my favorite solid meal today, which I have been living off of almost a year now.  Want know what's in it?  Cilantro (sometimes parsley), TAHINI, olives, hemp oil, hemp seed, apple cider vinegar, pumpkin seeds, pumpkin seed oil, jalapenos, haberno, Thai pepper, cayenne, TURMERIC, garlic (but not every time...I mean I would prefer to have it every time but I don't want to scare absolutely EVERYONE away having the smell come out of every orifice...)black pepper, cumin, sea salt.  I eat it all with celery and cucumber and sprinkle sea veggies over it all, i.e. kelp, dulse, sea lettuce. Totally the best ever.  Just like my smoothie this meal has taken me a while to perfect and I love it ever time.  It makes all the loneliness worth it...
I realize, though, that my food lifestyle has isolated me socially, for example: I never eat out, don't go to restaurants, only have maybe three or four close friends who I see once every two or three weeks, who all think I'm crazy, and since I started working 12 hour days I don't really have half an hour to prepare this meal above or make the best smoothie ever during the day, so I basically eat only once per day, usually around 7:00 a.m. in the morning and then go to work.... but I know that in time it will pay off big and I'll meet someone who has the same interests as me and we'll ride off in the sunset to our log cabin in the forest with our spring water and wood burning stove and be as happy as can be, but for now I am an urban, single, early twenty something, nostalgic about high school and the only girlfriend and band I ever really had and all that good stuff, living in an apartment with my parents, haven't been with a girl in 4 years, and spend most of my free time reading Rudolph Steiner or playing guitar or listening to some David Wolfe program, oh yeah did I mention that Star Wars: The Clone Wars in on cartoon network in about 30 minutes...you can call me, you can call me anytime....N-E-R-D!!! But I like it that way for now.

HAPPY 70th Birthday to John Lennon tomorrow!!!!!!

p.s. my cats say hello

work

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily task, go to sleep in peace."  - Victor Hugo

d man

Last night at a little establishment in Logan Square I saw Dr. Manhattan.  Over the last year or so I have come to extremely love this band and really appreciate the guys in it.  I was in a band once and ever since that part of me left there was always feelings of bitterness and jealously and resentment and confusion etc. etc. However, since I gave all that up, I have lived vicariously through Dr. Manhattan and I really love and cherish there passion and energy.  They all inspire me because they are clearly on their mission.  They are the perfect band to me.  They mix punk and funk and pop and emo and rock and roll and blues and electronic and the Beatles and it is so much fun to go to their shows and dance.  I always look forward to seeing them and watching them grow.  I really see it now and realize how silly I was for ever doubting them.  I wish them infinite success and nothing but the best time ever.  I hope if you read this you check them out and/or learn about them someday.  Electraumatized!

you set a goal, you get a goal

the longevity conference was awesome. I spent all day yesterday with Daniel Vitalis, David Wolfe and Truth Calkins.  I am the best ever and then higher than that and then even higher than that.  But I am back now and back to work.  Even though I feel powerful in a suit I set a goal this weekend to not have a career where I wear a suit. I'd rather wear a bolivian poncho and hat. Talk about being a superhero! Poncho Rojo! Patience...<tangent>I can't wait to read everything ever by Rudolf Steiner because it's totally blowing me away. Almost done reading "From Mammoths to Mediums".  Just get it, get them all, the whole series. If you set a goal, you get a goal, right? Here's mine at the moment: "I read all of Steiner's books five times." Here's another, "I am the greatest salesman is the world." Here's another, "I live on property with the best spring water ever." Another: "I attract the most lovely people ever in to my life". Goals are fun. Let's see what those manifest. Thought, Word, Deed. Do it now! But anyway, I just can't say enough about Steiner; he's the New Age Aristotle, (wouldn't that be a good band name?).  Anywho, best weekend ever and the Bears won too. Didn't get to go but my father was there.  Thursday is Dr. Manhattan as well, hopefully I'll take pictures. LOVE!

The Ark was built by amateurs, the Titanic by experts...

I have loved this phrase. I never want to be an expert just a lover.  Never a sophist, maybe a sage.
Another one that has stuck in me for a long while is this: "You can't know anything but your experience;

everything else is programming."  How cool is that?  O how all our behavior is belief driven!  Can you ever really push out of your consciousness old beliefs? past love? future dreams? It was a dream to see a concert at Wrigley Field even though most of the people there were noxious and the bands were so so, I am glad I got to go.  But now it's time to sleep, to transmute the fabric of reality, to tailor the waves of eternity, like a sailor glides the currents, the torrents of time. Another week, loves to seek, promises to keep, tears to seep, sounds and sights so deep, thru and blue, I love you too

p.s. (Go Bears)

can you dig it?

when you got it, you got's it bad, and this mofo is bad.

ORMUS, Synchronicity, Spirit and LOVE

Xairete! Due to an interesting synchronicity and the suggestions of Og Mandino (do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now, do it now) I decided that I need to make this post right now (when should I do it?).  Alright first off let me say something about synchronicity.  Carl G. Jung wrote an essay Synchronicity: An Acausal Connecting Principle, which is well worth reading, where he used the concept to explain seemingly unrelated events that seem to have meaning but couldn't possibly be related by cause and effect.  His idea came from his relationship with Einstein and to explain the Chinese concept of the Tao in the I Ching.  Any who, I think its an awesome concept because who hasn't had super strange meaningful "coincidences" that they attribute to some higher power or something they don't understand that couldn't be explained by just chance.  For example, I was just in California and met this homeless guy by a series of random turns of events and he was originally from the town next to my home town in Illinois and we ended up playing a little show at this guitar shop together and I met someone there who had a best friend that went to my grade school, very strange.  What does this have to do with ORMUS and what in the heaven is it? I know ORMUS minerals greatly enhance synchronicity with the universe and have definitely done so in my life, or at the least increased my awareness/consciousness of the possibilities.   Let me give some background: Just this morning (After I had been digging through David Hudson and Barry Carter's material on ORMUS late last night) David Wolfe, who I learned about ORMUS from, posted a blog about his new ORMUS gold product coming back, after a two year hiatus, and he summarizes it like this:
"Ormus minerals were re-discovered by David "Radius" Hudson in the early 1980s. The basic discovery that Hudson brought forth is that our spectroscopic signature analysis of minerals has flaws. Materials that are being identified as carbon, silicon, aluminum, calcium, and/or iron are not actually these minerals, but something else. That "something else" are the Ormus minerals. This insight has broad implications across the sciences, including physics, nutrition, chemistry, etc. Consuming Ormus minerals orally or using them topically are both known to have a number of interesting health benefits and some mild psychoactive mood-enhancing effects."
Ok, so when we are talking about ORMUS we are basically talking about Alchemy, the search for the philosopher's stone, strange matter, superconductivity, levitational materials, and a more esoteric understanding of chemicals and elements that some have described as the "female" elements.  The upshot is that the periodic table is incomplete and/or inaccurate.  I am convinced after playing with this stuff (via the wet-method), and some high-ORMUS foods and ingesting white gold powder that this stuff is for real and that the brick and mortar institutions of science and higher learning are completely ignorant of this stuff and the implication it has for the advancement of our species.  I really am talking about shit out of science fiction becoming reality through the study and application of these materials. I am confident that learning more about this stuff is my dharma, and related to my mission.  This stuff is how we are going to travel to the stars, how we are going to raise the level of consciousness of the planet, how we are going to all achieve levels of optimal health and happiness, how we are going to acquire things (eventually) like teleportation, telekinesis, understand the connection between Spirit and Matter, and I believe that the re-discovery ("re" because this stuff is obviously what the ancient alchemist of China, India, Persia, Ancient Egypt, The Greek and Roman mystery cults, and middle age Europeans knew about and were playing with...maybe even Atlantis and it's technology was based on an advanced understanding of ORMUS) of these materials will eventually give us free energy, lightsabers, and all sorts of other crazy future technology.
So how do you take advantage of all of this?  You could play around with ORMUS extracts and/or make it yourself via a few different methods, but I feel the best way to get this stuff in your body is to ingest foods from plants that naturally have a high concentration of this stuff.  Those would include:  Spring Water at the source (not in plastic bottles, sorry)
Aloe Vera
Noni
Gogi berries
All the medicinal mushrooms, i.e. Reishi, Chaga et al. 
Theses are just my top sources, and there are maybe a hundred others that are known to have this stuff in it.  It could quite possibily be the most important nutritional discovery ever, because I think our immune systems, and brains and all are cells really run on the  ORMUS form of minerals. 
If you're interested in more check out subtleenergies.com or youtube anything by David Wolfe, Barry Carter, or David Radius Hudson. 
I think I am going to start a band centered around this stuff and raw foods and nutrition and new age hippy consciousness maybe call it Derek and the Reishi-ORMUS band or Reishi or Noni or Aloe Vera (i really like that name) or maybe just the ORMUS band.  anyway, I want to spread the word because this will sooner or later become part of main stream consciousness. no doubt.  peace, and have the best day ever.

vampire weekday

I was listening to Vampire Weekend today (thanks Scott).  That's a terrible name for this band, however it is probably a savvy and lucrative name; just think about all the Twilight searches that brought them their way.  I would have named this band Okonkwo,  because their music reminds me of when I had to read No Longer At Ease (albeit Okonkwo is from Things Fall Apart) and got into highlife music for a few months.  Anywho, I really like their sound.  nuff said.

I am dreaming up doing an ORMUS post here in the coming days with my favorite links and videos and such on the crazy, quantum, and subtle world of ORMUS and ORME technologies because while playing guitar tonight I have been listening to David Radius Hudson lectures and I am spellbound, which makes me very nerdy, I think.  I often try to refine my understanding of the whole thing and I would like to bring in  R. Steiner and V. Schauberger to draw some implications about where I think this is all going...(hint: other galaxies).  Moving along, I want to share my smoothie recipe as well soon that I have sort of perfected in terms of taste and getting all the goodies in there, without using any sugars except berries and stevia extracts.  I have refined it so much over the past few years (and after basically all my money I made...I have a problem) and got it to the point where I have maximized its ORMUS awesomeness and it basically tastes like the best chocolate milkshake ever, no joke.  I exit with my playlist songs today, it's all about the lyrics baby...or the lyrical guitar solo...
- "Impossible" - Anberlin - "Dark is the way. Light is a Place"
-"Incomplete and Insecure" - The Avett Brothers - "I and Love and You"
-"Coat Check Dream Song" - Bright Eyes - "Cassadaga"
-"California English" - Vampire Weekend - "Contra"
-"I Don't Trust Myself (with loving you)" - John Mayer - "Continuum"
-"This Is Twice Now" - Lydia - "Illuminate"
-"Heard My Train A'Coming" - Jimi Hendrix -  Live at Woodstock
- "In The Water I Am Beautiful" - The City and Colour - "Sometimes"
-"It Feels So Right" - Elvis Presley - "Elvis is Back"
-"Winter In America" - Gil Scott-Heron" - "The First Minute of New Day"
-"In Spite of Ourselves" - John Prine - "Sessions @ West 54th

Song remains the Same

The new Anberlin rocks my astral body.  Thank you Scott; it does have an Angels & Airwaves vibe, in a good way though.  I'm not sure why Christian bands tickle me so but it seems that a long list of them enter my play lists more than often.  I had a totally awesome day yesterday.  I woke up at my friend Bob's house in my favorite town ever Wauconda at the crack of dawn and even though it was raining I drove to Kenosha, WI in order to harvest some spring water at the Indian Trail Spring in Petrifying Springs Park.  I have been planning to do this ever since I got in to Daniel Vitalis (findaspring.com & elixircraft.com) a year ago and I finally decided to make it            happen.  BEST DAY EVER.  I wandered in the forest lost for 45 minutes in the pouring rain and was saturated with water until I figured I was on the wrong trail; any who I ended up finding it and fill some glass jars with it. 
 (indian springs trail...go straight)

Then I drove back to Chicago listening to Jimi live @ Monterrey and the Avett Bros., which I just was told about and really enjoy btw "my heart like a kick drum" hehehaha, but I had to stop twice because I drank probably a gallon of that water and had to pee SO bad.  Got home took a nap and then went to the HOB with my father to see Zeppelin 2,   a Led Zeppelin tribute band.  It was so rocking and they looked just like them (maybe it WAS jimmy page?) and my dad was rockin' out for sure.  It was a really funny scene.  This is concert week I guess because I'm going back to see REO speedwagon (CAN'T fight this feeeling!!!...and yet I am afriad to let it grow) Thursday.  And next Saturday I'm seeing Dave Mathews (never really liked, but should be cool to see) and Jason Mraz (really like, swweett)  @ WRIGLEY FIELD.

Ergo, in sum much inspiration I recieve from the ORMUS in the spring water to all the concerts lately.  In the words of Philip Levine, "They feed they lion", and let me tell you oh boy does it ever grow! namaste.



p.s. above pic of me dry, after getting wet.